I need more help than I ever imagined. Today is day 17 since my surgery, and I am still very dependent upon other people, not only for the things we think about, but for all the times where I find myself in a position I cannot handle by myself.
I had a plan. My friend Debra Wiley, who came to be with me for the surgery, would stay for the first 3 days, followed by my daughter Rachel for another 3 and then my son for a total of 9 days. A friend who had an ankle surgery about two years ago told me I should need someone for about a week. I think that people with a partner don't realize how much their spouse or roommate actually does for them! I couldn't get my coffee from the Keurig to my chair and lots more! As I said in earlier posts, the puppy certainly complicates things.
My plan also included my community's Pay It Forward Club. They created a meal train for dinners, usually offering leftovers for lunch the following day. They created a calendar for dog-walking, and my friend Val was to make sure I had all the groceries and other things that I needed. My community understands that people need help, and they create an avenue to give and take. Whether you have a church or synagogue that offers a similar program or just neighbors and friends you can ask for help.
When it was evident that I needed someone to stay with me after my son's planned departure on day 9, he graciously volunteered to stay for another four days until my sister, who had already planned a visit before my surgery was scheduled. However, it's not easy to work from home when there is a dog that needs to be walked and a doorbell that needs to be answered every few hours. I must have interrupted a conference all at least two or three times, and, realizing his full-time job and taking care of me and Zora wasn't compatible, I declined his offer. That wasn't easy since he is the best cook I know and I was eating very well! Of course, I also enjoyed his company!
Josh's chicken enchiladas and Mexican rice was only one of the many meals I enjoyed!
My friend, Judy, is a geriatric social worker, and she was adamant that I hire an aide. An earlier post dealt with the problems of navigating the insurance system to pay for the aide; this one deals with the getting the help you need, including a professional home care aide.
Let me begin by saying that my aide worked very hard. She cleaned and disinfected my two bathrooms every day. She swept my floors. She brought me all my meals and took note of my medication and kept me on schedule. She helped me take my first (and second) showers. She made me breakfast and lunch. She was kind. And, even so, it drove me crazy having her in my house. It also made me greatly appreciate my father's interactions with his aides.
She liked to eat, and sometimes it was more important for her to finish eating than grabbing the dog who had something in her mouth. She loved to talk back to the television. She was quick to thank Jesus and to share her political views with me. I didn't want to get into politics, and, even though we both hate Trump, our diverse thoughts on immigration and embracing the LBQT world made some moments uncomfortable. After a couple of days I suggested we don't talk politics, but that is not easily done when watching CNN or some other news or talk show.
I won't post a picture of her or use her full name because I think there were some other issues that might also not be so kosher. I was taken aback to learn how much she charges privately as opposed to what I was paying the service. She probably shouldn't have told me that because it left me wondering why the service who books the aide gets MORE money than the aide who is doing all of the work? I am sure that some of the money goes to insurance, taxes, etc., but should they really be getting less than $15 an hour? Second, she told me that she was trying to go out on her own, and would I please pass her name and contact information to anyone I know looking for an aide. I do know that if I did that while working for a tour operator it would be grounds for automatic dismissal.
I was also a bit perplexed by some of her lack of knowledge, especially when it came to handling the scooter and the shower, despite 17 years' experience as an aide. Often times I had to tell her what I needed her to do to get me on the scooter or how to get me in the shower. I needed her strength, but I wish she also had the foresight to make the most difficult tasks a little simpler. I didn't ask if she ever had a client on a scooter, but, in hindsight, I do remember her saying that most of her clients were bed-ridden and that it had become too difficult to do that type of work, and she had asked for clients with some mobility.
Finally, her brief stay was made more difficult by the fact that she dropped Zora on to the patio from her arms the first time she took her out. That made Zora suspicious and fearful of her, and that didn't help at all. Any time she needed to take her out or she wanted to play with her, Zora would hide under the couch. But, I must say that she never gave up!
I am grateful for my aide. I know that I needed her help, and she was there to give it to me. But I was as happy when she left as I was when she got there. So much so, that I told her she could leave early (8 hours!) and I would be fine until my sister arrived. My aide said she couldn't afford to lose the money, but she would be happy to leave if I didn't report the shorter hours, and I agreed. I invited some friends over to hang out, and my son arrived and cooked another delicious dinner of hamburgers and baked potatoes with all the trimmings! That was welcome after about seven days of rice.
My sister, Renee, arrived in time for me to go to bed later than I have in months. I was now beginning to get around a little better. I was getting cocky and thought that I might be able to do this myself. Then, after showering, I was sitting on an ottoman in my closet and leaned down to get my underwear that had fallen on the floor when I found myself butt down off the stool. I couldn't get up! I had to yell for my sister who then chastised me for thinking I would be fine by myself. We decided that the best course of action for now is to have my cell phone on me at all times.
Renee was supposed to leave this evening at 6:00, but when her plane was delayed we decided to change it to tomorrow to avoid the storms in New Jersey, but also because she is anxious about leaving me overnight; my friend Susan is not coming until around noon. Although I am frustrated that I do still need help, I am grateful that I have the friends and family upon whom I can depend.
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